My letter to Grandpa Victor...

Here is the letter I requested to be read at the services for Grandpa and Grandma, may the both rest in peace after over 30 years of marriage. Their life together is a love story that none can match, but we sure as hell can try. (A link to the obituary is provided below)

Dear Grandpa Victor,

I write to you literally as far away from home as I possibly could be, India. Yet, at this time, I feel as if I have never known you better. When I was a young boy growing up on the farm, I feel as if I rarely had the opportunity understand who you were. You would pull up in your shiny Buick and I would know that it was you, and get excited, but I felt that we lacked any connection other than you be my father’s father.

This fact was made clear to me when you bought me a brand new bicycle. I laugh to this day when I remember what you told me then, “This bike will be really good for when you go to church on Sunday. It has this thing that will stop mud from getting your Sunday nickers dirty.” When you said this, I was a little more excited that I had a new bike then I was about keeping my Sunday nickers clean. I didn’t even know what nickers were.

Now that I look back on that, I see how different we were. You coming from the far off city of Milwaukee, and me sloshing around on the farm getting dirty and not even knowing what a big city truly was. You thought I would be riding my bicycle to church, I thought it would be cool to ride that bike around the farm getting it dirty and not having a care in the world. Sunday Nickers? Ha! I see now that you were more worried about me going to Sunday mass, then if I got my pants dirty. Grandpa, your life was grounded in your faith. This simple fact at times made me uncomfortable around you. Your faith was so strong, and my own so weak, that at times you were probably uncomfortable around me. 

After leaving the farm and moving to a new town and new perspective, I had the opportunity to understand you a little better. We had the opportunity to enjoy a little more company together, but I still lacked some understanding of who you were as my grandfather. Then, when I was 17, I had the opportunity to spend the summer with you, while working for my godfather, your son Greg. I would go to work and come back to you and grandma’s house and enjoy evenings and dinners together. That summer we truly got the chance to come to a sort of mutual understanding regarding our difference in faith. I would go to mass with you when I had time, and you wouldn’t ask me too much about it otherwise. 

That summer, I also had the opportunity to help you get things done around the house which I know was a great relief to you and Grammy. I know it never ceased to amaze you that whenever I mowed your I would ruin that same piece of grass by the garage, or that time when you set me to weeding the garden, only to find out later I had pulled out Grammy’s favorite flowers. I hope she didn’t give you to rough of a time for that one. 

That next year, you saw three of your grandchildren going to the same University, about an hour away. We would visit you when we could and you often would try to visit us as well. I had the opportunity to come and visit with you and Grammy over the next few years multiple times. Those weekends when I would come up from Whitewater and we chat politics, play card games, or discuss just the right manner for me to mow your lawn. This time in my life I knew it was important to be with my family, because after my own bout with cancer, I understood that families don’t last forever. 

With our time together you had the opportunity to pass on many things to me, like to pursue my dreams and to do so with passion, but I feel that the most important thing you taught me was how vitally important family is. With your help, and having spent this extended time away from my own family, I can now see how without family we lack a certain moral grounding we will not receive elsewhere. Without family, we have very few if any people to turn to in our times of need. 

Grandpa, before I left for India I understood that there was a chance I would never get an opportunity to say my final goodbye you or Grammy. Little did I know I would never get the chance to say goodbye to either of you. I won’t say goodbye grandpa, but what I want to say is, “Thank you!” Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Your wisdom has helped shape me into the man that I am becoming. A man strong in his faith, in his morals, and just proud enough not to be seen by his peers as arrogant. For these things and many more, thank you Grandpa Victor Leon Koller.

I am proud to be your loving grandson, always and forever,

~Craig Leon Koller

“By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest.”

~Confucius



Obituary: http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/jsonline/obituary.aspx?page=lifestory&pid=147902692 

India-Nepal-India

Sunday, January 9, 2011

India-Nepal-India

Forgive me family for I have sinned. It has been four weeks since my last confession...I mean post.

It has been a very busy four weeks as well. After leaving Darjeeling with my friend Ava, we made our way to the Eastern Indian-Nepali border. Having crossed over we took an overnight bus to Kathmandu, the polluted capital city of Nepal. We reached Kathmandu early in the morning, and we made our way to our hotel, in the tourist hub of Thamel district.

This area has everything a tourist in Nepal needs, except true Nepali culture. Throughout the next few days Ava and I procured new items that we would need on our trek. Sleeping bags, water bottles, water tablets, socks, long underwear, etc... This 'stuff' is all really good knock-off name-brand goods. I bought a new North Face gore-tex jacket for $40usd. Great buy (it kept me perfectly comfortable and warm on the entire trek).

We moved on from Kathmandu with a flight to literally the most dangerous airport in the world, ask a pilot, they should know about it, Lukla. This airport is situated on the side of a cliff, and is most likely slopped above 30degrees. When we were landing, all you can see out of the cockpit of your twin engine aircraft is cliff face! Then your back wheels touch down and you swing into the tiny airport, about the size of a high school basketball court, okay, maybe two...

We met our guide that morning in Kathmandu. Santosh is a 25 year old Nepali who has done the Everest trek over twenty times. This trek would take us about 11-13 days to complete, and it would be quite difficult. {I will go through the details of my trek on a later date, or I may wait until I get photos from my friends camera, or I may wait until I return to the states to tell all of you in person...Muwahaha, I hold the power of information... So this is what being the government feels like} I made the trek safe arrived in the Everest region on Christmas Eve, did an evening trek to a beautiful lookout where I saw the sunset. This sunset was gorgeous and it lit Everest up in beautiful Oranges Reds and Purples. Nope no pictures. My camera was not with me. This was a spiritual journey, where I didn't really want to focus on taking pictures. 

I met many people on the way. From an Indian lawyer who works in Singapore, to an American Geographer who does her work in the Arctic Circle, out of Barrow, Alaska. The people you meet traveling, give you new perspectives and new concepts regarding life. The conversations you have, the things you see while travelling together, give you a bond that you can not replicate anywhere else.

We arrived back in Kathmandu with the news that my Grandparents health has been ailing. This was some of the most difficult news I could hear while abroad. My grandmother, the doctors had found a brain tumor of some kind in October/November, has been struggling with that for a while. My Grandfather's gout has kicked in 'double-time' and he has been having difficulty walking and getting around their home. The decision was finally made that they should be 'put in a home.' This is a difficult decision for any family to make regarding their parents, and is never made lightly. I see 'nursing homes' as death homes. They are places where people go to live out their remaining days with the care that is necessary for them. This is a new phenomena that is taking place, as nursing homes used to be our homes. The comfort of family near by. The lives they lived, in the homes they lived them in, are close at hand. With pictures and things that they can see and touch, it would allow more closure. This new concept of a sterile 'passing' scares me. In some ways, I find that it takes the love out of death.

I celebrated my new years in Kathmandu with style. Meeting up with friends from the mountain and new friends from the streets, we partied till the bars closed then partied in our hotel room to bring in 2011. My bus happened to be early the morning of the 1st. Needless to say, I was pretty tired and hungover for my bus ride back to Varanasi. After quite an adventure on the bus (once again, more to come later), I arrived in Varanasi on the 2nd afternoon, and made my way to my new apartment. This larger place with a full (by Indian standards) kitchen and a small bathroom was much more of a home than my previous place. I can now cook meals regularly and have a nice bed. My room even has a porch to sit and read on. needless to say, my new place feels more like home than India ever has.

Last week Monday was my 22nd birthday. I celebrated by sitting at home alone reading a book (if you know me, I wouldn't have it any other way). I spent last week organizing and moving in. Getting classes started and working on my field research project.

I came in this morningn to begin my new tutorial class: Indian Martial Arts, Lathi. I will use this to help keep my mind focused and as an outlet for some of the stress I commonly acquire here.

This morning I received this email from my sister:

 Craig,

Grandma helen has recently become a lot sicker. They thought she had a stroke yesterday, but they found out her tumors grew. She is now unable to walk, speak, or swallow. Grandpa made the decision to bring her back to the nursing home for hospice care. I believe the plan is to move her today and stop all life supporting functions. So, I believe she only has a few days left. I know getting all of this over email in a foreign country is bot ideal, but I wanted to make sure you were in the loop because we all know how good dad is about informing people about things. I will be sure to update you with any news I get

I hope you are settle in your new place

I love you

Liz

This is what coping is, I now see it. Having to deal with emotions that come from the otherside of the world. What will I do? Do I go home? Do I stay here and tough it out? These are questions that people who travel have to ask themselves, all the time. We will see, but for now, my thoughts go to my family for this tough time.

All my love, always,

Craig

India-Nepal-India

Forgive me family for I have sinned. It has been four weeks since my last confession...I mean post.

It has been a very busy four weeks as well. After leaving Darjeeling with my friend Ava, we made our way to the Eastern Indian-Nepali border. Having crossed over we took an overnight bus to Kathmandu, the polluted capital city of Nepal. We reached Kathmandu early in the morning, and we made our way to our hotel, in the tourist hub of Thamel district.

This area has everything a tourist in Nepal needs, except true Nepali culture. Throughout the next few days Ava and I procured new items that we would need on our trek. Sleeping bags, water bottles, water tablets, socks, long underwear, etc... This 'stuff' is all really good knock-off name-brand goods. I bought a new North Face gore-tex jacket for $40usd. Great buy (it kept me perfectly comfortable and warm on the entire trek).

We moved on from Kathmandu with a flight to literally the most dangerous airport in the world, ask a pilot, they should know about it, Lukla. This airport is situated on the side of a cliff, and is most likely slopped above 30degrees. When we were landing, all you can see out of the cockpit of your twin engine aircraft is cliff face! Then your back wheels touch down and you swing into the tiny airport, about the size of a high school basketball court, okay, maybe two...

We met our guide that morning in Kathmandu. Santosh is a 25 year old Nepali who has done the Everest trek over twenty times. This trek would take us about 11-13 days to complete, and it would be quite difficult. {I will go through the details of my trek on a later date, or I may wait until I get photos from my friends camera, or I may wait until I return to the states to tell all of you in person...Muwahaha, I hold the power of information... So this is what being the government feels like} I made the trek safe arrived in the Everest region on Christmas Eve, did an evening trek to a beautiful lookout where I saw the sunset. This sunset was gorgeous and it lit Everest up in beautiful Oranges Reds and Purples. Nope no pictures. My camera was not with me. This was a spiritual journey, where I didn't really want to focus on taking pictures. 

I met many people on the way. From an Indian lawyer who works in Singapore, to an American Geographer who does her work in the Arctic Circle, out of Barrow, Alaska. The people you meet traveling, give you new perspectives and new concepts regarding life. The conversations you have, the things you see while travelling together, give you a bond that you can not replicate anywhere else.

We arrived back in Kathmandu with the news that my Grandparents health has been ailing. This was some of the most difficult news I could hear while abroad. My grandmother, the doctors had found a brain tumor of some kind in October/November, has been struggling with that for a while. My Grandfather's gout has kicked in 'double-time' and he has been having difficulty walking and getting around their home. The decision was finally made that they should be 'put in a home.' This is a difficult decision for any family to make regarding their parents, and is never made lightly. I see 'nursing homes' as death homes. They are places where people go to live out their remaining days with the care that is necessary for them. This is a new phenomena that is taking place, as nursing homes used to be our homes. The comfort of family near by. The lives they lived, in the homes they lived them in, are close at hand. With pictures and things that they can see and touch, it would allow more closure. This new concept of a sterile 'passing' scares me. In some ways, I find that it takes the love out of death.

I celebrated my new years in Kathmandu with style. Meeting up with friends from the mountain and new friends from the streets, we partied till the bars closed then partied in our hotel room to bring in 2011. My bus happened to be early the morning of the 1st. Needless to say, I was pretty tired and hungover for my bus ride back to Varanasi. After quite an adventure on the bus (once again, more to come later), I arrived in Varanasi on the 2nd afternoon, and made my way to my new apartment. This larger place with a full (by Indian standards) kitchen and a small bathroom was much more of a home than my previous place. I can now cook meals regularly and have a nice bed. My room even has a porch to sit and read on. needless to say, my new place feels more like home than India ever has.

Last week Monday was my 22nd birthday. I celebrated by sitting at home alone reading a book (if you know me, I wouldn't have it any other way). I spent last week organizing and moving in. Getting classes started and working on my field research project.

I came in this morningn to begin my new tutorial class: Indian Martial Arts, Lathi. I will use this to help keep my mind focused and as an outlet for some of the stress I commonly acquire here.

This morning I received this email from my sister:

 Craig,

Grandma helen has recently become a lot sicker. They thought she had a stroke yesterday, but they found out her tumors grew. She is now unable to walk, speak, or swallow. Grandpa made the decision to bring her back to the nursing home for hospice care. I believe the plan is to move her today and stop all life supporting functions. So, I believe she only has a few days left. I know getting all of this over email in a foreign country is bot ideal, but I wanted to make sure you were in the loop because we all know how good dad is about informing people about things. I will be sure to update you with any news I get

I hope you are settle in your new place

I love you

Liz

This is what coping is, I now see it. Having to deal with emotions that come from the otherside of the world. What will I do? Do I go home? Do I stay here and tough it out? These are questions that people who travel have to ask themselves, all the time. We will see, but for now, my thoughts go to my family for this tough time.

All my love, always,

Craig